The Desert, Vacuo.

Inhabitants of Vacuo were deeply alarmed by multiple eyewitness reports of a gigantic 100-foot-wide turtle, swimming through the sand. Zoologists and actual scientists have also confirmed that the famous Flatback Slider has indeed appeared in the Vacuan desert.

The Flatback Slider, belonging to the family of Bieftinidae of the order of Testudines (the turtles) is indeed real, and does indeed slide through the sand on it’s belly in quite a pace. Many local legends and rumors say that seeing a Flatback Slider is good luck.

An artistic interpretation of the scenic Vacuo desert
An artistic interpretation of the scenic Vacuo desert

Animal lover and scientist Beige Chellov states that the Flatback Slider isn’t exactly what he says it is:

“First of all, it’s a tortoise. Stop calling it a turtle, damnit! They show a Slider on the news and all I can hear from these imbeciles is that they don’t understand the difference between a tortoise and a turtle! Turtles are aquatic, tortoises aren’t, and last I checked, we don’t get many oceans here in the middle of the desert!”

A picture of a tortoise, not to be confused by a turtle

After yesterday, many eyewitness reports have indeed confirmed that these past few days the turtle has been idly skating by, seemingly disinterested in anything that’s going on.

“I’ve totally seen it! It was like this huge and went like “Wooosh” and it was sooo cool. It was running away from some worm thingy. We called it K. K.. The turtle, not the worm. We called the worm [EXPLETIVE REMOVED],” said Neil Bisson, a 12-year-old known liar and tattletale.

Another student, Fox Alistair of Shade Academy, has been asked if he saw the turtle himself.

“Is this a bit? Did Coco send you?” said Fox, in a disbelieving tone. “I’m blind, dude!” he said, before throwing his hands up in the air and leaving.

The rude student known as Fox Alistair

While many question the credibility of the eyewitnesses, more and more people claim that they were saved by the turtle and even rode on top of it’s gargantuan shell. Currently, the whereabouts of the Flatback Slider are still unknown, as are its motives.

Share this article:

By Jackson Leight

Jackson is a weapons aficionado, kraft brew lover and the chief editor here at vytal_news. He has an undergraduate degree in Politology, but he doesn't let that stop him from exploding Dust in his backyard.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments